Ken and his wife Edna went to the state fair every year,
And every year. Ken would say,
'Edna, I'd like to ride in that helicopter'
Edna always replied,
'I know Ken, only a helicopter ride is fifty bucks, And fifty bucks is
fifty bucks'
One year Ken and Edna went to the fair,
and Ken said,
'Edna, I'm 75 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never
get another chance'
To this, Edna replied,
"Ken helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks'
The pilot overheard the couple and said,
'Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If
you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't
charge you a penny! But if you say one word it's fifty dollars.'
Ken and Edna agreed and up they went.
The pilot did all kinds of fancy manoeuvres, yet not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again,
And, still not a word...
When they landed, the pilot turned to Ken and said,
'By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you
didn't. I am very impressed!'
Ken replied,
'Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Edna fell
out, But you know,
"Fifty bucks is fifty bucks!'
Labels: funny_stories, Husband, Old_Men, wife
3/18/2010 02:08:00 PM 0 comments
An elderly man owned a large farm with a large pond in the back, fixed
up nicely with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, plus some apple and
peach trees. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the fruit
trees by the pond.
He took a bucket with him to bring back some fruit. As he neared the
pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping
in the pond. He made the women aware of his presence so they all
went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"
The old man said, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked."
Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm just down here to feed the
alligator."
Moral: -- Some old men can still think fast.
Labels: funny_stories, Old_Men, Wise
3/08/2010 10:22:00 AM 0 comments A little withered old man walks into a timber company office, and applies
for a job as a lumberjack. The foreman politely tries to talk him out of the
idea. After all, he is old, small, and apparently much too weak to fell
trees. The old man picks up an axe and walks over to a huge redwood. As he
goes to work, a high-pitched whine comes from the axe, chips of wood fly
everywhere, and the odour of burning wood fills the air. In record time, the
old man is finished chopping down the tree.
"That's just astounding," the foreman says, "wherever did you learn to
chop down trees like that?"
"Well now," the old man smiles, "have you ever heard of the Sahara
Forest?"
"You mean the Sahara Desert."
"Sure, that's what it's called NOW..."
An elderly man suffered a massive heart attack. The family drove wildly
to get him to the emergency room. After what seemed like a very long
wait, the ER Doctor appeared, wearing his scrubs and a long face. Sadly,
he said,
While I'm afraid he is brain-dead, his heart is still beating."
"Oh, Dear God," cried his wife, her hands clasped against her cheeks
with shock!
"We've never had a Democrat in the family before!" 3/28/2009 07:30:00 AM 0 comments
My niece's class assignment was to interview a senior citizen about his
or her life, so she asked me, "What was the biggest historical event
that happened during your childhood?"
"I'd have to say the moonwalk," I replied.
She looked disappointed. "Why was that dance was so important to you?" 3/28/2009 07:27:00 AM 0 comments
Two older guys, one 70 and one 77, were sitting on their usual park bench
one morning. The 77 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't
even short of breath.
The 70 year old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked him what he
did to have so much energy.
The 77 year old said 'Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your
energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies.'
So, on the way home, the 70 year old stops at the bakery. As he was
looking around, the lady asked if he needed any help.
He said, 'Do you have any rye bread?' She said, 'Yes, there's a whole
shelf of it. Would you like some?'
He said, 'I want 5 loaves.'
She said, 'My goodness, 5 loaves, by the time you get to the 5th loaf,
it'll be hard'
He replied, 'I can't believe it, everybody in the world knows about this
but me.'
Labels: Old_Men
1/22/2008 02:07:00 PM 0 comments One day old man Stumpy and his wife Martha went to the Illinois State Fair. There is this man selling plane rides in his single prop show plane for $10 per person. Stumpy looks to Martha and says, "Martha, I think I really should try that." Martha replies, "I know you want to Stumpy, but we have a lot of bills, and you know the money is tight, and $10 is $10." So Stumpy goes without. Over the next few years they return every year, and the same thing, Stumpy wants to ride, but Martha says no money.
Finally, when Stumpy and Martha are both about 70 years old, Stumpy looks to Martha, and says, "Martha, I'm 70 now, and I don´t know if I'll ever get the chance again, so I just have to have a ride in that there airplane." Martha replies in the same old fashion, and Stumpy kind of slumps down. The pilot is standing near by and overhears the conversation... The pilot pipes up, "Excuse me folks, I couldn't´ help but hear your situation, and I have a deal for you. I´ll take both of you up together, and if you can both make the entire trip without saying a word, or even making the slightest sound, I´ll give the ride for free. But if either of you make a sound, its $10 each." Well, Martha and Stumpy look at each other, and agree to take the ride. The pilot takes them up, and starts to do loop de loops, twists, dives, climbs and spins. No sound. The pilot lands the plane, looks back at Stumpy and says, "Sir, I have to hand it to ya, you didn't´make even the slightest sound and that was my best stuff." Stumpy looks back at the pilot and says, "Well, I was gonna say something when Martha fell out, but $10 is $10!"Labels: General, Men_vs_Women, money, Old_Men
9/05/2007 11:37:00 AM 0 comments When Dan found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with.
So, one evening he went to a singles bar where he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.
"I may look like just an ordinary man," he said as he walked up to her,"but in just a week or two, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."
Impressed, the woman went home with him that evening and, three days later, she became his stepmother.
Women are so much smarter than men.
Labels: men, Men_vs_Women, money, Old_Men, Wise, Women
8/23/2007 08:23:00 PM 0 comments While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside
Restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant
and resumed their trip. When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her
glasses on the table and she didn't miss them until after they had been
driving about 20 minutes.
By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel quite a distance
before they could find a place to turn around in order to return to the
restaurant to retrieve her glasses. All the way back, the elderly husband
became the classic grouchy old man.
He fussed and complained and scolded his wife relentlessly during the entire
return drive. The more he scolded her, the more agitated he became.
He just wouldn't let up one minute. To her relief, they finally arrived at
the restaurant. As the woman got out of the car and hurried inside to
retrieve her glasses, the old geezer yelled to her.
"While you're in there, you might as well get my hat and the credit card!"
Labels: General, Life, men, Men_vs_Women, Old_Men
8/17/2007 01:29:00 PM 0 comments 